Fern

I'm still not really ready to write about this, or deal with it for that matter, but I came across this picture tonight of Sally and Fern. Sweet little Fern. Anyway, when we were in Wisconsin in August, Fern disappeared. She was always an indoor/outdoor cat and the morning we left, she left with us. As Maggie and Sally and I were getting into a cab at about 6 am, Fern slipped out the door as she did most mornings. Only this time she didn't ever come back. We still hope she might find her way back, but the truth is she's probably gone for good. It has been really hard on us all, but especially on Sally. She loved Fern, was always playing with her, picking her up. And when she realized that Fern was running away every time she saw her, Sally stopped picking her up for a few months, which took great restraint. She won Fern back and was very proud of that. I felt especially bonded to Fern too, because she was our first cat and we did everything wrong. We introduced her to Holly way too fast and she was just terrified, so she'd pee everywhere, out of terror. And the smell of cat pee is so bad, I was ready to give up on her, give her back to the crazy cat lady we got her from, but I thought what an awful message that sends to an adopted kid and I persevered, and retrained Fern to use the litter box and to learn to like Holly. And it all worked and so Fern feels like my victory. I'm not really one to go on and on about a pet, but Fern was just such a sweet cat and we are all still in a kind of shock. Sally still wants to believe Fern is coming back although lately she's been asking me if I think Fern is dead. I tell her that I don't know, which is true. That Fern could come back, or not. But that Fern was such a happy cat, and she was well loved and we gave her a good life. Fern would not have been happy as an indoor cat, there was nothing like seeing her stalking bugs in the garden. Sigh. Fern, we miss you.